On February 2, 2012, I became a single mom. I don't really want to go into details now. I may or may not at some future point. But suffice it to say what happened was beyond my control. In a way beyond his control too. Being a single mom is not a choice I made, but a path I was forced to take. I'd like to say I made a quiet, firm stand and chose a better life for myself and my son, but in reality, a bomb hit my world and I'm still digging my way out of the dust and rubble. I'm trying to find the surface and the sun again. Sometimes I get little glimmers through the dark, but as yet, I haven't found it.
After a lot of thought and prayer Hunter and I are headed back to Wisconsin at the beginning of July. I'm really happy to be headed back to apple trees and autumn leaves and freshwater streams, to family and the smell of home. I'm really scared too, as I'll be leaving my nanny job that I love and the life I've built here in Florida for new unknowns.
Goals, present and future? Find another nanny job in Wisconsin, find affordable living and get settled with my munchkin. After that, school, specifically nursing school.
Everything in this new life is strange. I feel like an avatar on Pandora. New body, new world. Nothing's the same. The colors are different, sharp and stark. The sounds are unfamiliar and startling.
Only one thing's the same, and that's the mommylove I have for my little guy, my Mr. McScooty. We had a newsflash of national importance last week, containing four crucial words: WE HAVE FORWARD MOTION! Somebody's mobile and crawling all over the place. He isn't strong enough for hands and knees yet, so he scrabbles and kicks and flaps his arms forward, exactly like a baby sea turtle flopping across the sand toward the waves. When I come in the room, he clambers over to me and then throws himself across my feet, patting my legs like a puppy begging to be picked up. It's heartmelting.
There's a lot more to say, but little time before midnight, and after three nights of Hunter wanting to wake up and play at 3AM, I need some pillow time. I'll be back. With any luck, sooner than six months later. ;)
In the meantime, check out this cuteness. Yes, I do have the most adorable baby in the world.